Contrary to stereotypical beliefs, men do have feelings.
What a cliche comment, right? Yes, it is true, men have complicated and intense emotions, just as women. However, women often fail to acknowledge this, not because they are incapable of doing so, but because society is structured in such a way which encourages women to overlook male emotion and emphasize their own. Likewise, from the time when men were just adolescent boys, society, along with their guardian-figures encouraged them to shelter their emotions from any and all public view. It is unfortunate that societal structure has encouraged the expression of female displays of emotion, yet oppressed and reprimanded all male displays.
Biologically and hormonally speaking, males and females are distinct from one another. However, all males and females alike, share the same underlying emotional-centers. Every man and every woman is capable of feeling happy, enthusiastic, content, dis-content, sad, angry, lonely, depressed…etc. We are similar in this regards, but diverse in how we react to various situations. Despite gender-hormonal differentiations, it is important to understand that no two people will react to one situation in the same way. Both men and women are inclined to express their emotions according to how they perceive the situation at hand. An issue does not arise when men suppress their deepest feelings. In similar relation, an issue does come into light when society continues to teach men to keep their emotions strictly to themselves. Males are expected to hide their emotions, where as females are expected to openly express them. It is the structure of our society. No one purposefully encourages this, but we all subconsciously promote it.
Emotions, in one retrospect or another, are beautiful and they serve as the basis for both human interaction and relationship development between two or more people. No progress or understanding can be made without communication, which is why it serves as the most valuable aspect of our human existence. We would not be able to give any meaning to any aspects of life, if it were not for the lessons we learn through interactions with other individuals.
Women in heterosexual relationships often find themselves confused and frustrated, because their male partners don’t show them “how they feel.” As a result, women are left to question every action and word that comes from their partner’s mouths. Women tend to emotionally invest in their partner very fast. Men appear not, not because they don’t, but because its not socially accepted for them to do so. Societal social-standards serve as a solid explanation as to why it is more common to see a woman cry in public than it is to see a man do so, for example. Society often discourages men from expressing their feelings in order to avoid their feelings of being “judged,” or “de-masculinized,” where as women’s expressions of emotions are deemed to be “normal” in societies eyes. The unfortunate truth is that if men were to cry (in public) as often as their female counterparts, they would likely be labeled as weak or unmanly to their peers.
On the other end of the spectrum, there is a fine line between what degree of emotional expression females find acceptable for men. I have personally been subjected to situations where I have had to take on the male role in my relationships in order to “pick up the slack” for my male partner. I’d reckon to say, that no straight woman wants to feel like she is the male in any relationship. Should women acknowledge and be empathetic to the fact that men have valid emotions too? Absolutely. Men’s emotions are very real, yet to a certain extent, they need to be controlled. Without mens (perceived) emotional stability and logical outlook on situations, the world would be an extremely dramatic and emotionally-driven place. By being over-emotional, men make women feel unprotected and masculine. As a result, women feel the need to step up and fill the role that the male was seemingly ill-equipped to. On the other hand, when men show no emotions in situations where it would be appropriate to show some, women are left feeling isolated, frustrated, and disconnected from their significant other. So where is this thin gray line between female desire for men to express emotion and their desire for them show no emotion at all?
The question is relative, however it inspires a lot of debate. Yes, it is okay for a man to cry, show anger, demonstrate love and empathy, be frustrated and sad, happy and motivated…etc. In fact, women should respect a man who can express their feelings publicly, because it would show that he is more genuine than a man who shoves his feelings into the depths of his chest in hopes of not hindering his “manly-man” persona. Women feel that when men expresses their feelings, they are naturally more inclined to grow into a close relationship with their male partner. No female should judge a man who publicly expresses his thoughts and feelings; that is, as long as it is not in excess, or more than his female counterpart!
In conclusion, male emotions are not signs of weakness, as long as it does not lead women to feel that they need to fill the shoes that the “male” is failing to fill. Men need to make more of a conscious effort to disregard their sense of “manly-man” pride, and instead be communicative and forthright. It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks, but the first step to changing this societal structure is for women to make it known to all men, that it is ok and acceptable for them to publicly express their deepest selves. Females need to be reminded that men have feelings too. There needs to be emphasis on encouraging male expression as socially acceptable. This would help in fostering feelings of trust and intimacy felt by women and it would immensely benefit both parties in the growth of their heterosexual relationships.
Men need to make more of an effort in expressing their feelings openly (even if that means they are showing so-called“vulnerability” in public). They should do so as long as they do not demonstrated these pubic emotional-displays more than their female counter-parts. Women need to make it known to men that their displays of emotion are encouraged and appreciated. Both males and females are guilty of contributing to the oppression of male emotions. Both parties are responsible for working toward changing this inherent societal structure. Neither men nor women can not complain about a problem that they are not actively participating in resolving.
We have the power to positively impact the lives of those around us. We are this societal-change we wish to see taking place in society. We are more-than capable of positive social impact and we have the power to promote the acceptance of male displays of emotion in public. Societal change is in our hands.
Sophia Anastasia Chamitoff 