Not once did it occur to me that I would live in the shoes of a cancer victim for a few months of my teenage years. To clarify, I did not have literal cancer, but rather, a figurative cancer. It also never occurred to me that my decision to buzz off my entire head of luscious hair would lead people to treat me in such a drastically different manner. My original intention for my bold decision was to donate my hair to make a wig for a cancer victim as a gift during the holiday season. Real-hair wigs are very costly and often not easy to come by; having been able to gift someone with my temporary sacrifice was, and still is, so precious to me.

I was a very experimental and spontaneous person in high school. I arguably still am. In high-school I was constantly trying to change one aspect of my life or another out of boredom from my same daily routine. One day I got creative (and very bored) and ended up trying a new “lightening hair shampoo.” It was advertised to “bring out the natural highlights” in ones hair. Needless to say, it did not bring out the highlights in my hair, rather, it turned my hair a copper color. My hair was still pretty-looking (although a bit thinner and now a different color), but quite frankly, I did not like the results of this spontaneous decision. I wanted to start fresh and I wanted to help someone.

At the time, I had known several people who were suffering with cancer: some who had even passed away as a result of the debilitating illness. Every single one of my acquaintances, friends, and family members with cancer had struggled to find a wig that was not incredibly costly in the past. Chemotherapy and hospital bills dig deep holes in the pockets of all victims. An (estimated) two thousand dollar wig, is yet another expense that many simply can’t afford. To be able to gift someone with hair, at no extra cost to their already shallow pocket, would be such an incredible experience, because it would bring light to their world and make them feel more “normal.”

I made the decision during the November of my junior year in high school. Christmas was around the corner, and unfortunately the cure for cancer was (and still is) not. As previously mentioned, at the time, I knew many people battling with cancer. I have been so blessed by my friends and family throughout my life. It meant the world to me to be able to give back to the world in any meaningful way that I could. Looking back, I’m not certain what finally propelled me to make that decision to buzz off all of my lengthy hair. I took so long contemplating the idea prior to making the decision in the first place. However, I did know one thing. I knew that I had something very valuable that a cancer victim was likely desperate for. Everyone wants to feel “normal.” My temporary sacrifice could give a suffering person the precious Christmas gift of hair, which comes with a sense of normality, through the completion of the persons battle.

That November evening, thoughts ran wildly through my head. I knew that if I asked my parents for permission to buzz off all of my hair, they would either say “no,” or fight me on it for quite some time before agreeing. What parent would possibly want to see their child looking like a cancer patient when that child didn’t even have cancer? None. I was extremely nervous but also really excited for the change. The only way I was able to justify the decision I was about to make was by reminding myself how much it would benefit the person in need. I didn’t think my parents would become angered with me given I was going to do it for a great cause. At the worst, I expected a lecture followed by their expressions of pride for the selfless decision. In this case and at that time, I knew that it would be far better to ask for forgiveness and understanding rather than to ask for permission.

At the time, I had been employed at “Starbucks” for less than a week. I arrived at the salon emotionally prepared, but also extremely nervous for the social-battle I was about to subject myself to. My stomach tossed and turned as I nervously waited my turn. I contemplated what it would feel like to have a shiny head, how people would view me, if I would lose my new job, how my parents would react, how my high school peers would respond and treat me, if I would get expelled from my Catholic high school for not adhering to the hair dress-code guidelines for females, but most of all, how much of a difference I was about to make in the life of a suffering person. Finally, and in quite a blur, my name was called. I met the “stylist” and took my seat. She asked, “What can I do for you today?” With a quivering voice I replied, “Buzz it all off… completely bald. I want to donate all of it.” The look on her face made me question my decision even more than I already was. I doubt a girl had ever come to her asking to be shaved completely bald before. I could tell by the shocked expression on her face that my request must have been out of the ordinary for her.

In a matter of moments she had acquired the attention of two other hair stylists who both interrogated me with confusion. They asked about my intentions and questioned me as to whether or not I was “sure” about my decision. They must have asked me ten times. I was more sure than I had ever been. I was ready to give that gift, despite the ridicule I was apt to receive from strangers, family, friends and other loved ones. But after-all, what could my family, friends and loved ones possibly say once the decision had been made? Nothing. It’s not like I could grow back my full head of hair in thirty seconds. I assured the hairdressers about my intentions and a few seconds later I heard the first chop of the scissors. There was no turning back now.

In a matter of minutes it was all gone. All of it. They did not charge me to donate it, because they said it was an “admirable” thing to do. They mentioned that they had never experienced someone doing what I had just done before. This new adventure was exhilarating, yet also terrifying. I knew I had made the right decision, but my stomach continued to churn with every “what if?” thought that crossed my mind. By the end of the big-chop, my head felt as light as hair and my scalp was very shiny from the reflections of the ceiling lights. Later, I often joked that “my scalp was brighter than many people’s futures.” I was bald-bald, but I felt so incredibly liberated. I was liberated from the hair and from all of my doubts about the bold decision I had just made. I left the salon crying “happy tears.” Looking back however, I am certain that some of those “happy tears” were also tears out of fear for the social-judgements and the unknown reactions I was yet to face.

I left the salon with certainty that the people getting their drinks from me in the Starbucks drive-through would see themselves in the reflection created by my shiny head peeking out of my work-hat. Needless to say, I put on my hat and apron, and went straight to work. I sat in the parking lot for several minutes and I texted my parents a long message accompanied by a picture of me (holding my hair in a pony tail un-attached from my head), telling them about the decision I had just made. They originally thought that I was pulling a joke on them like I normally did, so when it hit them that I was actually serious, they were in disbelief. I planned the “big-chop” before my shift at work so that it could give them some time to calm down prior to my arrival back home. I walked into work having no clue what judgements my manager would make. I was hired with a full head of hair, and less than a week later, I showed up bald. I prepared for the worst reaction, but hoped for the best.

My shift went smoothly despite having to answer countless questions. My manager was definitely shocked, but she was not upset with me by any means. I was relieved to find that I would still keep my job, continue to get free coffee to feed my newly-found caffeine addiction, and even still get my pound of free coffee every week. I left the shift emotionally drained due to all of the explaining I had to answer for clients, co-workers, and my manager. However, I still did not regret my decision and I came to terms with the fact that I would have much more explaining to do in following months.

I got in my mini cooper convertible and braced myself to go home. I took the longest route home, yet the drive still flew by. I was so nervous, because I respected (and respect) my parents’ opinions, so it was vital for me to get their approval… or at the very least, their support. I parked my car and slowly opened the door saying, “Guys, I am home!” just like normal. I had mentioned wanting to donate all of my hair multiple times in the past, so I don’t believe that it was a complete shock to them. I believe the shock came with the fact that I actually took action on the idea that I had for such a long time.

I walked inside to find my mother crying at the kitchen table. She replied, “my daughter is really bald,” as she continued to bawl. She was more emotionally bothered by it than I ever was. Moments later my father walked in the room. The first thing that came out of his mouth was, “I have a second son.” At this point, I knew I would get some heat for the decision I made. I did not regret it and I stood firmly by my decision. I calmly explained to them my incentives and why I did not counsel with them before doing it. They were emotionally tossed, but I knew that under all of the emotions of the evening, they would secretly be proud of me once they learned to accept it.

After a few days my parents did accept the idea. They had to. The funny-looks my family gave me didn’t stop for a few weeks, and understandably so. For 16 years they were use to seeing me with a gorgeous mane framing my face as if I was a lion. It was not as if I could glue on the hair I had just buzzed off of my head back on. The way I looked had to be accepted by my friends and family in one regard or another. I must say, it likely did not help that it was November and I my complexion was very pale. I genuinely did look like I had cancer. I think this was the hardest part for my family and friends to get over.

There was no way to reverse what I had done, but quite frankly, I did not want to. The hardest part for me to accept was the constant questions such as, “Are you going through a mental-crisis?,” “Is this your way as coming out as gay?,” and “Why would you ever put yourself through such a terrible thing?.” It was difficult having to justify myself to people, even if they had no relevance in my life. None of it was true. I was not going through any mental-crisis, I sexually identify as a straight female, and I decided that the gift I was able to give was worth the short-term sacrifice I would endure as a result: after-all, hair does grow back.

Two days after the “big chop,” I had to return to school…arguably the most difficult challenge I expected I was going to face. Teens can be brutal. I was dreading it. Being active on social-media, I took a picture of myself (bearing my bald head) and I posted it online the day prior to the start of the school week; I figured that to some degree, I would not have to answer as many questions from my peers if it wasn’t new news. In the caption I explained, yet again, the decision I had made. The following is an excerpt of the captioned accompanying the picture;

“For awhile now I’ve been contemplating the best Christmas gift I could give to someone. Though it was a VERY hard decision, I felt in my heart that blessing a child who has been diagnosed with cancer with a beautiful wig would be an amazing thing to do. I’m proud that I made the decision to shave off all of my hair and donate it to “Locks of Love” so I can better a cancer patient’s life this holiday season. So… upon seeing me at school, work, the gym, etc., please note that I do NOT have cancer, but merely made the conscious decision to endure some suffering for a young cancer patients life to be bettered. Also… Please, if you have nothing nice to say, just keep your thoughts to yourself, because I do not regret my decision.” 

In a matter of hours my post got lots of positive feedback. At this point I realized that there would be no direct negativity that I would receive from my peers at school. This new knowledge still didn’t make me any less nervous.

I arrived at school the next day and automatically received countless questions and glares that I perceived to be rather judgmental at first. I had to keep reminding myself that the sacrifice was worth being able to bless someone… all of the sacrifice was worth it.  Later that day, I went to the gym and managed in the same way. The following weeks were questions-packed. The whole situation was emotionally exhausting. I was expecting negative ridicule, yet shockingly did not receive any! It did take a few days for people to adjust to the sight of the “New Sophia,” but the responses I did receive were all positive and up-lifting. That was such a relief for me.

Less than two weeks later, I inspired five other girls at my high school (from different grade levels than that of myself) to donate a portion of their hair to cancer victims also. Although they did not go completely bald as I did, they did donate to the “Locks of Love Foundation,” for other cancer patients and they too made a significant improvement to people’s lives that holiday season. I also inspired my Aunt to become bone-marrow donor. All people just want to feel normal and respected, and everyone who donated (whether it be hair or bone-marrow) gave suffering individuals that precious Christmas gift. I am eternally grateful for the impact my decision inspired.

I’d reckon to say that the whole experience greatly developed my sense of self-confidence. I no longer had any hair to “hide” behind. I was exposed to the the criticisms and judgments of strangers who did not yet know my story. I developed a “thick-skin” in that, with time, those judgements, stares and interrogations no longer made me feel insecure. As my hair progressed in its growth, I learned to rock the short-hair “look.” My hair went through numerous funny growth-phases. Months passed where I looked like the “Zoolander,” I looked like I had an afro (which I joking would stick combs into) at one point, at another point I had a bowl-cut, and later I even had a mullet like that of the musician, Joe Dirt. It was funny, really.

The experience taught me that helping those in need, despite social-repercussions, is always worth it, and it taught me to laugh with the people who snark at me. In fact, I think that joking and laughing with the people who judge you is the best way to show them that you are confident in who you are and that you are confident in the decisions you have made up until that point. If anything, it throws them off their game and makes you feel significantly more self-assured. Negative people simply don’t know how to respond to such vitality and positivity. I was blessed to be able to utilize my new-found sense of self-confidence as a tool to inspire others in their own actions of selflessness, and with their own understandings that their selfless actions do come with questioning and ridicule that they need not take too seriously.

Personally speaking, the most interesting aspect of my decision to buzz off my hair for cancer victims was that I ended up unintentionally living in the shoes of a cancer victim (despite the fact that I did not have the life-threatening diagnosis). At times, if I did not have the opportunity to explain myself, I was treated like I had an illness. As previously mentioned I worked at Starbucks at the time. There were several funny incidents where I found my baldness to actually benefit me or teach me a much-needed lesson.

The week after buzzing my hair, I went to work at Starbucks like usual, and I found that my drive-through tip jar had significantly more money than there was the weeks prior to my baldness. The comments and judgmental stares continued, but I was too focused on doing the job I was being payed to do to even notice them. I did not even see people put large bills into the tip jar on the sill outside the drive-through window unless they did so after asking about my story. Barista’s split whatever tips they make according to the number of hours they work in the week. I didn’t realize it till later, but people were putting large bills into the tip jars, because if they did not ask for clarity, they thought I had cancer. When they did ask for clarity, I would tell them about my donation, and most people would still tip me with large bills. Needless to say, my co-workers and shift-leaders loved me working in drive-through for quite some time.

With the topics of societal reactions aside for a moment, living life in the shoes of a cancer “victim” definitely had both its ups and downs. I never had cancer and it was exhausting explaining myself to everyone I crossed paths with. It was difficult to learn to make light of stares and remarks from judgmental people. Being selfless is not the norm. As a result, it was emotionally draining for me to acquire understanding from family and friends that I was not “going through a phase:” to prove to them that my intentions were concrete and genuine. Overall, I received lots of support and kind words from family, friends, and strangers. I earned lots of tips from people who supported my donation to the cancer cause. My self confidence drastically sky-rocketed as I learned to embrace the funky mop-resembling hair flopping around my head at times. I was able to inspire others to donate to the betterment of suffering peoples lives, which was (and is) so priceless to me. The lessons I learned during this time were so crucial in the development of the person I am today.

For one, I learned that it is better to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission: that is, only if there is no risk of another person being harmed in the process. If I would have asked for my family or friends’ permission, rather than their forgiveness and their understanding, I wouldn’t have learned the valuable lessons I did, and (more importantly), I wouldn’t have been able to donate my hair to improve a persons quality of life. Secondly, I learned that temporary self-sacrifice for the benefit of a suffering person gets you positive attention, not negative judgement. It built my self-confidence immensely in that it taught me how to have a “thick-skin” and stand up for the decisions I make. It also proved to me that society as a whole does want to see the good of the world, and it wants to see people doing good for others in the world. Lastly, I learned about the social and emotional struggle actual cancer patients go through on a daily basis, through stepping into the shoes of a person with cancer. I learned this through explaining my story to almost every passing person. It was emotionally difficult on me. Strangers would approach me and ask me things such as, “what is wrong with you?,” “what happened to you?,” and “are you dying?”

After some time of being asked questions such as these, I couldn’t help but almost feel as if I really did have cancer and that I really was dying. The general public can be so blunt and unfiltered when it comes to communicating. Although I made light of my experience dealing with judgmental (and supportive) people, it impacted me in ways I feel no other experience could have. I found that an important lesson I learned during this time was to be sensitive with what I say. If a person was actually suffering with the life-threatening illness, I could only imagine the impact peoples words could have on a persons spirit who is actually fighting for their life. Society as a whole needs to be more sensitive and kind. It is important for us to be filtered and supportive of suffering people, instead of being judgmental and blunt with our words. We should put our concerns regarding the opinions of others aside, because in the end, our short-term personal sacrifice can improve the quality of a persons life. That is so incredibly precious. We need to be more selfless, because one act of selflessness inspires several others to do the same.

As thoroughly discussed in my previous post “The Power to Alter Yourself,” the ideal of “perfection” is strived for by every individual. People often feel like they are inadequate and do not meet the expectations of these new “fads” exemplified to people online. The interesting thing about body-related fads, is that the extremes they often reflect and encourage are anything but healthy. An extreme of anything is not healthy. It is important to be balanced, in every connotation of the word. Just as hairstyles change with every decade, body-related fads do too. Fads are temporary and the current ideas society holds regarding what the “ideal bodies” look like will also change with time (lets pray).

Social media has manipulated peoples health in two ways; it encourages some individuals to become extremely thin, and it encourages others to become overweight or “thick.” I understand that every individual’s body is made differently and uniquely. In this digital age, social media influences both males and females to physically alter themselves. Unhealthy body ideals have become a norm; in fact, being unhealthy is encouraged in both the extreme of being morbidly obese and the extreme of being stick-thin.

Online “body-positivity” movements have continued to negatively influence people into acceptance of living in and with an un-healthy physique. They have swept through social media faster than the black plague swept through Europe. Countless accounts, blogs and posts are being produced every day which encourage people to “accept” their bodies. In reality, people are glamorizing their decaying health. I hold the position that extreme body standards are not healthy and they should not be accommodated for, let alone encouraged or accepted.

One movement I particularly disagree with is called the, “What I Be Project.” Many celebrities and universities have shown support toward this movement. Its Instagram and Facebook accounts biographies state the following… “building security through insecurities…etc.” The movement entails people writing words relating to their insecurities (bodily and otherwise) on their bodies using permanent markers, then posting those images on social media platforms. The idea of acknowledging personal shortcomings is not what I disagree with. If anything, I think that that aspect of this body-positivity movement is actually a great thing, because it forces people to acknowledge the things they desire to change about themselves and their lives: one can’t change the things they don’t first acknowledge. The message of this movement is what particularly ruffles my feathers.

It is important to remember that no one is perfect. However, I do not believe or agree that members of society should “build our own security” (as stated in the accounts biography) through seeing posts about other peoples insecurities and struggles. Our viewing of others announcing their personal insecurities and hurt should not make us feel “secure” or better about ourselves. The idea of getting joy from seeing reflections of other individuals emotional pain is sickening to me. I believe that, if we want to help others feel better about themselves and their appearances, we needs to start by working on ourselves first. We can not pull a person out of a deep ditch if we are in that same ditch. We can’t help heal someone from the flu, when we too have the flu. I believe that we should accept, acknowledge and fix our own flaws in order for us to be able to share our triumphs. We should use our personal triumphs of overcoming to inspire others to make positive changes in their own lives, rather than sharing our insecurities to make other people feel less terrible about themselves.

I would say that this is the main reason I don’t support “body positivity” movements; they entail that we are (whether consciously or not) encouraging others to continue living in a physical state that is aiding in the deterioration of that persons well-being. Many people will likely disagree with my stance on this issue, but I truly believe that we can not support these movements if we have self-improvement that needs to be done on ourselves first…and we all have some. Once we heal ourselves of our physical and mental un-wellness’, we should work towards helping others in their own self-improvements, rather than expressing our “support” to those who are consciously choosing denial and laziness over the beneficial change they need to improve their lives and health. By supporting these groups, we are not only jumping in on the band-wagon of denying our own lack of self-confidence and drive, but we are also helping others do the same thing. By doing so, we are helping others become comfortable, and no one can grow and/or improve in a comfort zone.

I hold the position that obesity is one of the biggest problems the United States is currently facing. Not only is it linked to depression, suicide and countless health problems, but it is also one of the leading causes of death nation-wide (not obesity in itself, but the health complications that it can lead to). I believe that social media platforms and “body-positivity” movements are to blame for the skyrocketing rates of obesity. When most of us turn on our phones, we are automatically inclined to open one of our many social media applications. The majority of the time, we don’t consciously think about opening these apps, rather we click on them out of habit.

Scientific experiments have found that when we use social-media applications, a “feel good” chemical called dopamine gets released into our brains. This very chemical is also released when we eat. We respond to this chemical release in the same way that a dog would be more likely to sit if he was offered a treat every time he did so. Dopamine is our “treat” for using social media and eating. As a result, we are far more prone to accept ideals portrayed to us online, because the “feel good” stimulus of social media gives us a natural high which makes us (temporarily) feel good. We return again and again just to find that we aren’t living up to the ideals visually portrayed to us online. Disappointed, we turn to food as an emotional shoulder to lean on. It becomes a subconscious habit, and the cycle continues to repeat itself.

A negative aspect regarding “body-positivity” movements, is that they indirectly encourage extremes (whether it be the extreme of obesity or the extreme of thinness). Having a big butt and a small waist is one new fad. People are highly influenced by the idea of having bottoms like those of the Kardashian-Jenner reality-television-star family. Just like these reality tv stars, people are going to the extremes of purposefully inserting silicon into their bottoms and/or purposefully eating extreme amounts of food in order to try and achieve this “thick” look that they see is receiving positive feedback online. We all want positive feedback, because positive feedback comes with…*drum roll please*…more dopamine!

Ingesting and inserting toxins into the human body (whether is be through food or silicon) is far from healthy. Overweight girls walk around as if they are proud that they had just won the biggest “body positivity contest” of the year. Obesity is not healthy and its acceptance through body-positivity platforms should not be encouraged by our support. It comes down to this…denial of ones deteriorating health is not beautiful. Neither are eating disorders that lead to extreme thinness, which is another extreme fad society is encouraged to conform to. They are ways to kill oneself. It is unfortunate that society has continued to idolize and glamorize these harmful beauty ideals and it is unfortunate that we encourage others to accept and “love” their lack of mental and physical health.

On the other end of the weight spectrum, having an unhealthy, un-natural, looking body has continued to trend in the fashion industry and in the general public. Stick thin girls walk around malls like wanna-be Victoria Secret Models who are about to faint from malnutrition the day before their big show. Being so skinny is not good for ones physical or mental health. Eating disorders are a huge problem in America and they are not given enough attention. This is a very touchy subject for me, but I struggled with anorexia for nearly three years in the past. I am grateful to have overcome it, however, I do wish I was more open about sharing my experience (and struggle) sooner, because with acceptance came healing for myself and for those I shared my overcoming with.

I believe that eating disorders are more wide-spread than people even realize. Individuals claim that their obesity (or self proclaimed “thick” look) is “healthy” and that their sizes (be them any sizes) are “beautiful,” when in reality, they both signify self-denial and/or rejection. Speaking from personal experience, most people with eating disorders don’t admit they have, or had, one until after they have, or had, overcome it. They may state things like, “I’m super thin because of my metabolism” or “I eat more than anyone I know,” as a form of consciously denying that there is, or was, ever a problem. It is easy to blame problems on anyone/anything but oneself and it is even easier to make excuses to justify something that everyone knows is not healthy. It is far easier to turn to titles such as “body-acceptance” and “self-love” to justify ones poor health, rather than accepting that there is an issue and getting help to overcome it. Excuses don’t change the fact that something needs changing.

I truly believe that body positivity is an excuse that un-motivated people use in order to justify the fact that they are lazy and that they are letting themselves deteriorate. By saying “yes” to being “thick,” “twig-thin,” or by showing support for “body positivity” movements, we are saying “no” to balanced health, physical, and mental well-being. As previously mentioned, I do not think that actions of people adopting either of these lifestyles should be socially accepted or encouraged; their weight, or lack there-of, should not be accommodated for (with the exception of people who have health related issues that complicate these factors).We are hurting others with our so-called “supporting” of their expressions of “body-positivity” (that is, if they are obviously obese or excessively skinny), because then people become more comfortable in their toxic states instead of consciously choosing to make healthy, balanced, lifestyle changes.

In other words, we help escalate the health-problems of others, because we are feeding them positivity through our “support” of their less-than-healthy physiques. When the un-well person goes online and views all the nice comments about their self-mistreated body, they become more self-accepting and they continue denying that there is, or was ever, a problem that needs fixing. Therefore, more dopamine gets released in their brains, they scroll through social media more and more looking for self-confirmation and justification, and they eat more as a result. More dopamine leads to increased binge eating and/or purging. There comes a point when society will have dug itself such a deep grave, that it will never be able to get out of it.

Both thick and thin people may also blame their physical states on their genetic “issues.” Many people will disagree with me on this (which is totally ok- we can agree to disagree) but I truly believe that “body positivity” is simply a lazy excuse for not wanting to put in the effort it takes to maintain ones basic health. It is an excuse to justify not working out and eating healthy in order to lose ones obese status. It is also an excuse to justify a persons laziness and denial to get the help they need to overcome eating disorders that lead to dangerously thin physiques. More often than not, body positivity is used as an excuse to justifies ones lack of willpower, self confidence, acceptance of ones issue, or the acknowledgement of a persons lack of mental and physical wellness. This is why I am so unsupportive of the “body positivity” movements online.

X-rays prove that overweight people are not “big boned,” and anorexic people are not “naturally thin.” All people have the same underlying structure. However, some people have more laundry over their washboard abs than others do. It is not a matter of genetics, rather it is a matter of personal motivation and ones perception of self. Neither of these fads are healthy and they are both problems people are too ashamed and/or prideful to face and resolve. Neither thin nor thick people show support for body positivity movements due to being confident in themselves; they do so out of their lack of self confidence and their denial. One can not change the things he or she is unwilling to accept. Instead of people working toward improving their physical-selves and becoming balanced physically and mentally, people make excuses to justify their lack of self-confidence and will power, and they turn to labeling their poor health as “beautiful,” because the word generally has a positive connotation. Whether it be something like anorexia or binge-eating, no disorder is healthy and no disorder is “beautiful.”

In correlation with societal acceptance and accommodation for peoples lack of wellness, there has been a significant increase in the number of plus-sized clothing stores and an even broader range of extra-small clothing sizes available to people around shopping centers nation-wide. In my opinion, by providing and manufacturing more and more very large clothing clothing sizes to morbidly overweight people (who do not have a diagnosed medical condition), we are leading unhealthy people to adopt the idea that they are “healthy enough” and that no change needs to be made. Social media has made obesity become a norm.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, some clothing stores not hold triple-zero sized jeans for females. With such a small figure, one has no business shopping in adult clothing sections in the first place. We are not children anymore, however, society encourages a large number of individuals to conform to the bodies they had back as young, skinny children. Clothing manufacturing of extremely small sizes has correlation to the increasing prevalence of eating disorders. People don’t feel as “guilty” for their poor health as one result of having such easy access to unreasonable large and extra small clothing options. Anorexic and obese people no longer have to go out of their way in order to find clothes to accommodate their figures. I believe this is a problem, because it subconsciously tells these people that their unhealthy physiques are “acceptable,” “normal,” and “healthy enough.”

These body positivity movements don’t help in any way, because they continue to glamorize disorders and laziness. Our society has become so accustomed to adopting the beauty-ideals of being both “thick” and “twig-thin.” In the long run, it will have a negative impact on the population and the quality of peoples lives, because people are choosing to deny their health and mental-related issues and justify them using seemingly positive connotations. People are literally killing themselves and thinking it is “cool” and “acceptable.” There needs to be balance instead of denial. Body positivity is not cool…it is destructive to oneself and to others. Neither “thick,” nor “twig-thin” is healthy. Extremes of any kind are unhealthy for ones body and mind. A balanced life and a balanced body is healthy. 

We often find ourselves staring at our reflections in mirrors or glancing down at numbers reflecting our weight on scales. Some of us become delighted at our results, and others discouraged when we fall short of our “ideal” self. I have found that my greatest personal skill is knowing how to effectively alter my physique to reach specific athletic goals. I believe that talents are something we are born with, but skills are something we must learn, foster, and improve upon over time. I deeply believe that even if a person is not talented at something, they can develop the skills needed to become skilled at that pursuit. They can become great, if and only if, they are consistent and repetitive with their daily efforts in striving toward that goal (whether it be athletically or otherwise).  I have had three separate athletic pursuits that have all aided in the development of my greatest, self-perceived, skill.

In Martial Arts, I developed flexibility, reflexes, muscle-memory and speed. Repetition was the mother of these physical skills. I was taught to throw the same kick thousands of times: striving for perfect execution with every kick. I watched my aptitude develop as I was able to demonstrate that skill by being able to break boards consistently and effortlessly for my Black Belt testing in the Mixed Martial Arts Style of “Taekwondo.” I instructed others in Taekwondo for quite some time before pursing a different style of Martial Arts, called “Hawaiian Kempo.” Through consistency and hard work, I was able to develop the skills necessary to begin instructing others in that style of Martial Arts as well.

Knowing that nobody is born with the ability to break boards or throw the perfect round-kick, these acquired skill proved to me the I can develop physical skills through diligent effort. Without the tedious and physically demanding training sessions where I would kicking bags, the air, or people (thousands and thousand of times over again throughout the years), I would not have been able to develop that skillset I hold today. Did I want to stand there all sweaty and exhausted for hours as I continued kicking? Absolutely not. Did I want to go to training every day I had that commitment? No at all, but I did. This is the difference between those who are successful and those who are not; those who are successful do the “undesirable” things they need to do in order to get better, even if they don’t “feel” like doing it.

There is no such thing as perfection, in any regards, however consistent repetition will get you very close to it, and it will help you reach your goals. Not only that, but it will also teach you what it means to think “long-term.” In other words, going through something we deem “undesirable” in the moment, teaches us that we are doing it because it will make us better in the long run. This is a subconscious knowledge that completing difficult task(s), be it physically, mentally or emotionally, will lead us to success. The path to achievement of ones goal(s) comes bundled together with hard work. However, nothing worth doing was (or ever will be) “easy.” If we truly are determined to accomplish something, we can’t let our feelings in the “now” dictate the results we will see tomorrow. Days add up and well as our efforts.

On a similar note, I had to learn that it is ok to have less-productive days, but it is never ok to give up a day in exchange for becoming a full-time couch potato. No one ever got anything done by bumming it on his or her couch. If a goal really is that important to you, you shouldn’t want to put it off or “skip” the day in exchange for “relaxation.” By doing this, you are only setting yourself another day further from reaching your goal.

Instead, a person should get up from their couch and do something, anything, that progresses them toward their goal. Even if a person feels that their action(s) for that day may not be as “productive” or “effective” as past days, he or she would still be lapping everyone who chose to bum it on their couches. Our choice to strive for greatness should not be influenced by our emotions, but rather we should be directed by our desires for something greater than what we currently have. If there is no will, there will never be a way; we should pursue those things that we are actually passionate about, because then it won’t feel like a chore, but instead just a positive challenge that will propel us toward success.

One of my favorite Google-quotes goes as follows; “hard work beats talent when talent does not work hard.” I find this quote particularly appealing due to how it exemplifies that a person does not need to have talent in order to achieve their goals. Simply speaking, all a person needs to achieve their goals (by growing their skills and developing new talents) is a strong work ethic and desire; more often than not, this is expressed in the form of “hard work,” and “repetition.” You, just like everyone else, are not born with a particular skill to attain that goal or result you desire. Fortunately, what you are born with (and what is engrained into you from your guardians as you grow up) is a work ethic.

My definition of a “work ethic” is the following; “how hard a person is willing to push themselves on a daily basis and works towards a particular goal they have.” “Pushing oneself” is relative from person to person; some individuals are equipped with the skills or “talents” to naturally have an easier time doing certain things than others. However, by utilizing your own talents and skills, you can work as hard (or harder than) a different person with the exact same goal. Friendly competition never hurt anybody, because by surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals, you will drastically grow and improve. Because of this, what you can do to reach your personal goal(s) is to strive to push yourself as hard as possible on a daily basis.

In my early teens, I played competitive club volleyball. This was my second athletically demanding pursuit. I was not tall enough to compete for the position I wanted to play as at the time. To compensate for my height deficiency, I spent hours a day studying footage of professional volleyball players and I spent hours in the gym emulating their training regimens. Through utilizing my persistent, focused and diligent work ethic (this long-term thinking took time and struggle to develop), I increased my vertical jump by a few dozen inches. Likewise, you potentially lack the “talent” you need to achieve your personal goal(s). This means that you need to put yourself out there and put in that hard work needed to develop the skills that will help you reach your goal.

Lastly, now standing at five foot ten inches, I decided to earn extra money for school, grow my savings account, and have more money for fun activities, through consistently working towards securing modeling work in the fashion industry. However, the challenge was that I had built up a lot of muscle from previous physical bodybuilding interests, and was far from having the “ideal measurements” to meet fashion industry standards. My goal was to loose weight in a healthy and sustainable way this time. This demanded a a new training regimen. Now, on top of eating specific foods for lean muscle retention, I run, train my core daily, and I do a full-body weight room session every other day. I have learned to be consistent in my efforts, because physical results come only when one is consistent.

These three life experiences over the last thirteen years have helped me identify my strengths, develop my skill for effectively altering my physique to reach my goals (whatever they may be at the time), and I feel that they have highly influenced the person I have become. I did not come out of my mothers womb with the “talent” to throw the perfect round kick, jump several feet in the air, or have a sculpted core appear in photos taken of me. I had to learn to place my emotions in the “now” aside in order to achieve the things I desired in the long-run. I had to accept the fact that not every day is going to be a “good” day, but that I had (and have) the choice to chose failure or success. These athletic pursuits had to be developed upon, as I worked daily, towards reaching those goals I had. Likewise, whether or not you are born with a particular talent, taking action of your life through persistent daily effort and repetition, you too will reach the goal(s) you have set out to.

To my female readers,

In a society where we all constantly degrade and compete with everyone we see, it has become more crucial than ever for us women to be emotionally supportive, uplifting and loving towards one another. We need to be each others biggest advocates and “shoulders to lean on.” Us women often complain about the words and actions of men. When they abandon us unexpectedly or fail to fill the void of emotional attention every one of us females needs, we turn towards other women. We do this, because us women provide one another with that emotional support and compassion that we often feel men are lack in providing in our lives. This is invaluable.

Unfortunately, being a female in this society comes with both its positives and negatives. I’d argue to say that I personally have more male friends than female friends. Having male friends is fantastic, because (as cliche as it sounds) less drama comes with those friendships, and men provide a sense of stability and logic when it comes to resolving situations. I appreciate this in some ways, because not only do men spin less drama, but they also have more fun in the “now” and they get over grudges very quickly. As you have probably observed, two men may get in a disagreement, and one beer later they are back to being best buds.

Often times, us women tend to add fuel to the fires of our lives, rather than adding water. We dwell in the heated emotions of problems, rather than forgiving and moving on. We often make minute problems, large-scale issues as a result of our refusal to love one another and our will to win! What we need to realize, is that not every war is worth winning. Our friendships and relationships should mean more to us than winning an argument of any kind. On the other hand, men are great at resolving drama. This is evident in that men become very close with their other male friends and they tend to keep those relationships for the long run. I believe that our adding of water to fires, rather than adding of fuel, would benefit us females in the same way. It is good for us women to not over-emotionalize every situation. However, this aspect of our beings is also a part of what makes us so special. Women, generally speaking, are better at sympathizing with the hurt and problems of others.

I have found that my holding of more male friendships has been (mostly) a positive experience, but it has also come with one downside. This “downside” is that, due to my dominantly male friendships, I have developed some difficulty with being compassionate towards female influences in my life. In the past, my male friends had influenced me to emotionally barricade myself from those who needed my compassion, or to try to solve a problem like that of a male: with as little emotion as humanly possible. This is something I have been working on.

Men tend to be more solutions oriented and logical, where as us women tend to over-emotionalize situations and make decisions accordingly to how we feel in the heat of the moment. There are times when dwelling in our emotions and the emotional states of others can be healthy. It can help us become closer to our female friends. However, there are also times when we should handle situations more like men do: they forgive, forget and look for logical solutions to problems rather than dwelling in their feelings. Hurting people hurt people. Because of this, it would greatly impact our friendships to look for logical, not over-emotional, ways to logically solve friendship-problems. While we do this, we should be sure to build up, rather than tear down the person/people we are at odds with. This adds water to the fire(s) and will likely save both parties a ton of emotional frustration.

There is nothing wrong with us women demonstrating our emotions so openly: it’s our womanly nature. However, it is invaluable for us to approach emotionally-trying situations both logically and emotionally. By the term “emotionally,” I do not mean that we should be crying at every drop of the dime when ourself or our friends are going through difficult times; I mean that we need to be able to have compassion, demonstrate love, and also be logical in our seeking for solutions to problems, while we find ways to comfort the hurting or ourselves. We need to do this even if we feel that we are the victim of the situation. Being able to connect with people and have deep compassion for them is our womanly gift and we are very fortunate to be able to tap into it so effortlessly; we need to make sure we utilize this gift at times when it wont dig ourselves or others a deeper grave.

We learn to logically problem solve through our male companionships and we learn to be sympathetic and compassionate through our female companionships. If we get lucky, we form close bonds with female friends and male friends. This is socially healthy. There is another difference that is dominantly pronounced in women in comparison to men; women tend to passively fight one another, where as men confront each other face-to-face. Perhaps this is why men resolve their friendship-problems so quickly… they bite rather than bark, but in a good way!

Speaking from my own past experiences, I have encountered numerous instances where women have bashed, judged, and insulted another women or myself, rather than demonstrating love and compassion to logically resolve an issue. I have wrongfully done this in the past and so have you. I truly believe and want to emphasize that every woman reading this is guilty of doing this to another woman at some point in our lives or another. Its unfortunate, but it is only a mistake if we didn’t learn a lesson from it. All problems are avoidable through love, compassion, communication and mutual respect for others.

All women need to stop talking trash about other women. We mustn’t backstab and deceive them. Out of respect and care for each other, we should not be breaking girl-code, because that loses us our friends trust. We need to stop disrespecting each other. We can’t be judging each other based on appearances because, we all have flaws (yes, you do to). As one societal unit, we need to come together and acknowledge that not one of us is as perfect as we portray ourselves to be online. We should encourage rather than discourage other women. We can’t keep excluding, degrading or insulting other women. When that guy breaks your heart, or your feelings get hurt, you will wish that you didn’t emotionally barricade yourself.

You will wish that you added water rather than fuel to those fires you aided in creating with your female friends. Us women need to uplift and stand up for one other. We need to put our pride aside and apologize when we did something wrong or even questionable. We should be commenting nice things on other women’s posts instead of talking poorly about them behind the security of our phones. We need to respect girl code. We should give each other helpful, rather than destructive advice (when asked for), and we should encourage each other to resolve problems using not just our hearts, but also our heads. Lets fix each others crowns and be each others shoulders to cry on, if needed. Lets include, inspire and uplift other women.

What good could ever be found in a society filled with women who only hurt and try to destroy each other? None. Lets be genuine, respectful, positive, uplifting, compassionate and logical when it comes to resolving our problems. Lets love each other instead of passively, or directly, tearing one another to bits and pieces. Lets be each others wing-women, support systems and friends, and lets make every woman we cross paths with feel that she too is a queen. If we want to be treated like a queen, we must treat others like one also. Most of all, we need to be a friend to every woman who desires our friendship! As women, our female friendships are vital: lets treat other women like the treasure they are in our lives. It’s time for a reality check… look in the mirror. Are you currently a reflection of the best woman you can be? Odds are, the answer is no. So lets begin today, right now, because it is not too late for you to be an admirable woman.

I was born in Valencia and primarily raised in Palmdale, California. The city has had both its benefits and its downfalls. In Palmdale, ironically, there are no palm trees; that is, unless someone planted them in their own backyard or the city plated them for decoration. There are however, a lot of cacti. Fortunately, my families backyard has lots of palm trees, and serves as a tropical escape of sorts. It is a great escape from the surrounding city. Although there has been continuous city development throughout the years, it is still rather bare relative to developed near-by cities such as Los Angeles, the “city of angels.”

In one way or another, Palmdale reminds me of Afghanistan, but without the combat-war aspect. Although individuals are not dying in the same way as the brave soldiers fighting abroad for our country, I feel that Palmdale is fighting its own “war;” a psychological and cultural war of sorts. Generally speaking, different ethnicities bring about different cultural traditions, attitudes, ideas values and financial status’ to whichever city they live in. People who are racially similar also tend to stick together. Generally speaking, from what I have observed, cultures tend to stick together and live in the same areas as one another: almost like a tribe! Where I grew up, individuals are primarily struggling or financially “ok.” Very few families are actually doing financially well. As a result of such ethnic and economic diversity, the type of people found in Palmdale vary significantly; in ways it is a blessing and in other ways a curse.

As previously mentioned, ethnicities bring diversity where they thrive. For example, national statistics state that people from the African American and Hispanic cultures typically vote in favor of democratic political candidates on a local, state and national level. Those same statistics also state that a larger percentage of African American and Hispanic individuals receive one, or more, forms of government financial-assistance. This is far different from those statistics of people from other races. A persons racial identification, and association, serves as a huge influence to what political stances and what degree of government intervention they find “acceptable.” Your culture will highly impact the viewpoint you take on this issue amongst countess others.

I am not writing this particular blog to argue one side over another. I am presenting and idea on how different sides of every city will teach different and valuable life-lessons; their ideas, values, finances status’ and cultural traditions influence the way different people think within the same city. In relation to Palmdale, the “East Side” has a demographic that is primarily African American and Hispanic. On the “West Side,” Asians, Middle Easterns, Europeans and Whites are more prevalent. Those on the “West Side” have different, and often conflicting, view points from those individuals living on the “East Side” of the city. It is evident that the East Side of Palmdale is financially less “well-off” than the West Side and more often than not, the demographics follow in accordance with the national statistics previously mentioned.

Growing up, I was raised on the West Side, and naturally, I found that my values differed greatly from the individuals residing on the East Side. I’d like to state that I am observant rather than biased; I form reservations about people, places, things, and ideas according to my observations rather than pre-conceived notions on why things should or should not be the way they are. Over the years, I have found that I have made both friends in West and East Palmdale. I have also found their to be both “good” and “bad” people in both sides of the city. Please note that your perception about who is a “good” or “bad” person is relative to how you grew up, and those values and morals that have been engrained into you. It will differ for every person.

East Palmdale has a similar reputation to East Los Angeles. There’s even a song entitled “Palmdale,” created by Afro-man, which basically trash-talks the whole city. It is a poor area gang violence, crime and it is noticeably more “ghetto” than other areas of the city. Needless to say, prior to my move to San Diego, it was rare for my parents to let me drive on the East side while stars were out. Given I did make a few friends from that side of town, I have found that East Palmdale has taught me to be aware of my surroundings, yet not generalize people because of their surrounding area. In other words, I have learned not to stereotype an individual simply because of where they live. It is important for us to judge a persons actions, rather than their words, to differentiate the “good” from the “bad” people, and we should choose our associations accordingly. 

The West Side of Palmdale has taught me that not every individual is in the financial situation that they claim to be in. In other words, a number of people in West Palmdale are not necessarily doing as financially-well as they appear to be. Often times, people would abuse the system, wear name brand items (which were more-often-than-not fake) and drive around range rover, which were silently funded through foster-care checks and so-called government “assistance.” They would purposefully show off their expensive watches, jewelry and shoes in order to promote their self-proclaimed bad-assery to those around them. Ethnic background, which goes hand in hand and with culture, has a significant influence on ideas, values, and economic prosperity, or disparity. This leads to city-wide diversity, demographic conflict, and a lack of acceptance for those who don’t share the same socioeconomic status’ as themselves.

Palmdale is in battle against itself. I believe the “war” it is facing is regarding acceptance. People in West Palmdale generally don’t interact as often with people from East Palmdale, and vise versa. They don’t accept each others racial, economic, social, religious, political stances…etc. and instead, they judge others due to stereotype of where they live. We can end this psychological “war” between cultures (or “parts” of the city in regards to Palmdale) by encouraging integration of traditions, ideas, and values, despite racial and economical differences. We are all diverse and have varying backgrounds; “good” people are abundant…everywhere, and so are “bad” people.

Society as a whole turns its back to accepting and befriending those who are different than themselves. No one says anything, and we all contribute to the growing problem of non-acceptance; this problem is present in all cities nation-wide. East Palmdale taught me to not stereotype an individual simply because of where they live. Every individual puts on the face that they are successful, despite whether or not they actually are, because success, or the appearance of success, earns people the respect they desire. West Palmdale taught me that every person wants to feel important, successful and respected. Without having the experience of making friends in both sides of this city, I would not have learned these valuable lessons. There is something to learn about every city and about all people within them. There are friends to be made, along with people to avoid everywhere. We should judge others by their actions, but not by the words they say or the city (or part of the city) they live in. What lessons can you learn from your city?

Craving a burger? Fortunately for all of us people in modern countries, we have easy access to the things we crave and desire “now.” If a person wants a burger, realistically speaking, they can drive to the nearest fast-food restaurant and curb their craving in less than fifteen minutes time. This idea is absolutely insane to me. Unfortunately its something thats incredibly eye-opening in that our generation of millennials is not accustomed to doing any work for the goods and products we want. With fast-food restaurants on every other corner of almost every city nation-wide, obesity rates have skyrocketed and people’s gratitude for every-day things has decreased significantly.

This generation is not accustomed to waiting, let alone working for any single thing. For Pete’s sake, we can now order goods online we can have it delivered in less than twenty four hours! Thats absolutely insane. Society has become so impatient and so desperate for the newest things on the market. God forbid we have an iPhone 8 and not the iPhone 10 that came out last week. It might as well be the end of the world to most people. We take so much for granted.  Most of us literally do nothing to work for the products and goods we want. It’s plain and simple; everyone gets everything effortlessly.

When digging deeper into this thought, we are forced to acknowledge that most people in our country, the United States specifically, are spoiled. Odds are, unless you are the person raising the cow or growing the lettuce, you don’t have to do any of the work necessary to reap the benefits of those other people’s labor. If you want a burger, you can get that burger with the drop of a hat. For further explanation, to make a plain burger you need things such as the following; a bread bun, lettuce, tomato, a beef patty..etc. When we see the burger being made in the drive-through window, we don’t acknowledge the tedious work that countless people put into making that finished burger that we now have in your hands. Each of the ingredients of that burger are at the disposal of your fingertips, yet they each took a whole network of people, nation-wide and sometimes even world-wide, to come together and make that product you are now consuming.

Every item/ingredient that makes up the goods you consume are all intertwined. Many people had to plow fields to get food for a cow; others had to raise the cow, and others maintain it. Someone had to slaughter that same cow and deliver it to a factory where the meat would be processed. That factory, employing a ton of workers, had to process that burger patty and an entire crew had to deliver it to the fast food chain’s factory. There, yet another crew packaged the patties and sent them to a trucking company where the order was shipped out to individual fast food chains. Next, there was a crew that cooked the beef patty and put it together with the other ingredients to make the finished product we have such quick and easy access to. Essentially, hundred of people worked and concentrated their individual and collective efforts in order to get that beef patty into that single burger; this isn’t even including all of the other ingredients in that burger.

To have such goods at your disposal, without doing any more work than simply driving to the fast food restaurant or store and swiping your debit card, is absolutely appalling. We have extremely easy access to literally any material item we want. The majority of us do not have to do any work in order to reap the benefits we get through those goods we have the opportunity to purchase. In this regards, society truly has come a long way. We do not take into account any work that went behind the processing of those items we buy. Other international cities and countries, such as parts of Africa for example, don’t have such simple access to the things they want. Some don’t even have access to their basic human needs of food, water and shelter. In this way, American society as a whole, is indeed spoiled. In reference to a cheese-burger or literally anything else, we take material items for granted… all the time.

As children, we are incredibly eager to enter “big kid” high school. When we finally arrive, we let our time in high school fly past and we fail to appreciate how easy life was when our parents did everything for us… at least I did. We glamorize the things that await us, without prior knowledge of what comes with it. My first year in college can be summarized in two words: chaotic growth. At times it was a whirlwind of disaster, disappointment, hard-work, and emotional turmoil. Other times, it encompassed countless new-experiences, fun day-trips, new associations, and wild weekends. Through all the chaos, be it good and bad, I learned a very valuable lesson regarding how I should react to negative circumstances that arrise.

During my first semester of college, I moved living-spaces six different times! My first on-campus dorm did not work out due to lifestyle and personality clashes between my ex-suite mates and I. My second dorm was a single room, which was roughly the size of a worker’s cubicle. The single-dorm was underground, had no natural lighting, and was a chlostrophobic, spider infected, pig-sty; needless to say, my obsessive compulsive tendencies led me to become the suites full time maid. There were multiple nights where I would sleep in my car, because I dreaded being in that environment. I was in a mental “low” state. In my misery, I decided to take a “leave,” where I would temporarily pause all of my school-related engagements; I moved home and shortly later found myself feeling stir-crazy. I had to find a solution, because my independence was, and is, very important to me.

I entered college with a confident aura and an eager spirit. From day one I was making friends… so I thought. My overwhelming energy bombarded a lot of people who I believe to be my “friends;” in reality, most were only my acquaintances. This was hard for me, because I came from an high-school environment where I was the athletic and social, yet nerdy, girl who held a small friend group. Looking back, I can’t even call the majority of people in that group my true friends. Throughout the course of my first semester in college, I felt lonely despite being constantly surrounded by so many people.

My feelings of loneliness even got to the point where I made the impulsive decision to buy a tea cup yorkie dog off of craigslist. I picked her up with my friend at eleven at night in a sketchy Mcdonald’s parking lot, despite being consciously aware that I was not allowed to have an animal live with me in the dorm. Not surprisingly, I was scammed by a “nice” man on craigslist. It was an impulsive mistake and I had to give the sick puppy to a rescue shelter less than 24 hours later. I saved a sick puppy’s life and I flushed five hundred dollars down the toilet by being impulsive.

The reality that not all people have good intentions hit me in the face with a brick, or shall I say, semi-truck. I was ready to accept this new-found knowledge, move on, and start fresh. However, my self-confidence plummeted even further when I gained the infamous “freshman fifteen.” For me, it was more like the freshman twenty. Yes, it is a real thing, and it is something that everyone entering college swears won’t happen to them.

In further regards, despite my life-long struggle to complete assignments in a timely manner, manage my sports, social-life, and extra-curricular activities, I was still a valedictorian of my high-school. It took a lot of time, sacrifice, and countless all-nighters. However, my academic studying-habits (long hours of studying and many all-nighters) still remained constant despite my over-stimulating environment and an unnecessary number of intoxicated nights. None of it contribute positively to my first-semester academic success. Freedom was new to me (as it is for everyone entering college) and consequently, I did not know how to handle my work/social-life balance effectively.

My grades were less than superb upon ending my first semester in college and I even had to drop two of my five courses in order to prevent the failing I was subjecting myself to. My peers had always seemed to have an easier time with managing their work-loads and social lives, so it really stuck out to me when I was unable to keep up to the same pace; this also weighed heavily on my self-confidence. I decided to seek counsel half-way through my second semester and shortly later I was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Together, we worked towards finding a medicinal solution, which helped make the remainder of my second-semester academic and social experience far more manageable and enjoyable. Seeking counsel has benefited my life tremendously. I didn’t even realize I had this headache until it was gone. Figuratively speaking, no one realizes they have a headache until it’s gone.

Following the completion of my first semester in college, I felt that all was hopeless. I didn’t see a point in putting myself through all the suffering I was enduring at the time. Removing myself from my circumstance seemed to be the easiest way for me to not have to deal with it. Unfortunately, ignoring problems does not make them go away. I was mentally, emotionally, socially, and physically struggling. I was blind and I saw no other option than to drop-out and move back home, where I would not have to deal with the responsibilities and struggle that came with my new-found adulthood.

In reaction to being in such a desperate situation and deeply craving the return of my independence, I revoked my leave of absence and hastily moved into my first apartment with a friend, my second roommate, who I was only semi-familiar with. After a few months of living in that apartment, our down-stairs neighbors attempted to kick down our front door in the middle of the night. This was a violent reaction to their perception of our “excessive-noise.” As a result, we were put in a position to move apartments, because the complex didn’t deem it “safe” for the downstairs neighbors to know where we lived. Shortly after, my roommate and I moved to our second apartment. We were only able to handle our incompatibility for another two months before I moved out… again. My living environment has always given me a sense of stability: something I couldn’t seem to find until recently.

Now I have my own place, my own self-proclaimed “sanctuary,” where I have complete and total control of cleanliness, noise, and my space in general. I feel so blessed to finally have the opportunity to live in a peaceful environment that I can call “home.” This is the very thing I needed all along. My own apartment, where I had complete control, is the Advil I needed to cure the headache I did not know I had. In reflecting back on this crazy year, without having the miserable experiences I did, I would not be as grateful for the outcome I now have. I would not have learned the very important lesson that I am not defined by the circumstances I face, but rather, I am defined by how I react to those circumstances.

This is, arguably, the most valuable lesson I learned upon my entering into the adult world. I would encourage all people, of all ages, to reflect on every situation he or she faces. I let my circumstances get the best of me this past academic year; I allowed them to dictate my actions accordingly. I hastily escaped with every sign of turmoil, rather than being solutions-oriented and facing the problem head-on. By doing so, I was not able to find happiness; instead, I found misery.

I dwelled in the negative of the various situations, and understandably so, yet I should have been focusing on the positive. There truly is good to be found in every “bad” situation. However, this isn’t to say that we should allow negative circumstances to continue dwelling in our lives. What we should do is search for lessons found within the negative circumstances that we can apply to our futures. Simultaneous to seeking out the lessons we can learn, we should keep a fixed eye on the positive outcome that can result from adversity, and we should actively work to make (non-hasty) plans to remove ourselves from the negative situation and into environments where we can thrive.

I am a true believer in that I can only make a mistake if I do not take a lesson away from it. In other words, there are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned. The chaotic situations I faced this year did in fact make me grow as a person, because I took away this valuable lesson from them. I was not comfortable when being in the heat of these battles, but I took control of my mindset, circumstance, and life. Not one person will grow in a comfort zone, so it is important to view adversity as a blessing rather than a curse. Our circumstances do not define us, but our reactions to those circumstances do. We must take the upper-hand, because there is a light called “personal growth” to be found at the end of every tunnel. The adversity we face now will not define us, unless we give it the power to do so.

Have you ever walked on a busy street or through a peaceful park and contemplated what those around you are thinking right now in this very moment? Perhaps you have even asked yourself, “I wonder whats happening in his or her life?” Odds are, you have, I have, and so has everyone else you have ever met! Charles Mills Wright defines “sociological imagination” in the following way; “the awareness of the relationship between personal experience and the wider society.” In other words, what one given individual has gone through to shape who they currently are can be traced back to their environment, or more-so, the events that have taken place in the broader society that have shaped how they have handled situations up until this point.

Society is powerful in that it does influence who you currently are. It will impact the person you will become; it is ever-changing. Personal experience is an aspect that influences the lives of every individual and group you will ever encounter: or in this case, walk past. In this way, a persons sociological imagination, or perception of the society by which they are encompassed, can be directly influenced by the historical events, and social issues they themselves, or their family has encountered.

In reference to my own sociological imagination, my family lineage has a rich past of conflict, prosperity and also its fair share of struggles. My descendants came from Russia and Europe, both places known for its historical trials, triumphs and turbulence. My mothers side of the family has roots deep within France and Greece, where the Nazi forces invaded the Greek village where my grandfather lived. He has told me various stories about how he made the decision to come to America, the land of the free, to escape the caves where him and his family were hiding out as they watched their village, their home, get burned down to ashes. My fathers side of the family has a background of Jewish faith based out of Russia, where the Germans also invaded. My grandparents on that side of the family met on a ship when their parents sent them together to Canada in hopes of them surviving the Holocaust.

To this day, my family is incredibly traditional, and we follow religious and cultural practices from France, Russia and Greece. Every night we gather at the table to eat as a family, just as they did in my fathers Jewish household and my mothers dominantly Greek household. Every Thanksgiving, my Greek family and I meet up at my Theo Angelo’s house to enjoy a huge lamb that cooks over a fiery spit. To be quite frank, baklava and the jokes about my Greek grandfathers voice resembling that of a mafia-man has gotten really old. This may be because we value the culture which was almost taken away from us along with our lives back during the Holocaust. As can be seen, history does play a huge part in my personal experiences and influences thus far.

My Greek Grandfather “Papou”, is a very resilient man who I believe is one of my current-day heroes. Not only did he serve in the Greek military, but he also qualified for the Olympics as a high-jumper in his youth and came to America with just dollars in his pocket where he worked for some time, then opened up many restaurants and strip malls. Nowadays, when I am not embellishing in my cherished family time, I study, go to class then the gym, cook, occasionally do modeling jobs in Los Angeles or San Diego, I run my photography business, hang out with friends, and write my book or on my blog whenever I find spare time. Prior to coming to the University of San Diego, I had various jobs outside of modeling work. I got my first job at Famous Dave’s Barbecue Pit when I was fifteen, then moved on to work for Starbucks for a year and a half before embarking on my entrepreneurial path. While working as a barista at Starbucks, learned one of the most valuable lessons to date: the lesson of adaptability which I feel has strongly influenced my sociological imagination.

I once-again reference my Greek Grandfather, because through his journey, I was able to learn this lesson of adaptability, particularly in relation to my personal experience as a barista for the Starbucks Coffee Corporation. Nowadays, all-though women have rights to vote, marry, attain employment and at the legal level are viewed as “equals” to men, evidence from my own personal life has proved otherwise. In the corporate world of America, time equals money, and hours worked equals more money. Throughout my time as a barista, I found that my hours were often significantly shorter than those of my male co-workers. In other words, I made less money than my male counterparts. Mind you, my male co-workers were also hired as part-time employees. I would constantly pressure the management as to why I was getting significantly less hours then they were… I would plead for more, yet my requests were never met.

In no way am I a feminist, and I would never riot in streets regarding any political issue. However, I do feel that my job experience is a valid representation of how women are still fighting for equality in the job force. Unfortunately, my generation is still wired to view men as superior. Women are expected to reach a certain “level” in order to earn that equality supposedly promised to us by the Constitution. This can also be seen in regards to the United States Marine Corps, where women are supposedly “allowed” to partake in service, but have not yet been permitted to whatsoever. This is solely because they are women, not men. Women “aren’t strong enough, fast enough or resilient enough”, but that does not mean that we do not have the rights or heart to do so.

The question comes down to a persons (whether they be female or male) ability to adapt to changing environments despite oppressing circumstances. If we can not comply to Charles Darwin’s law that discussed the “survival of the fittest,” there will be no social change, let alone justice. My struggle in the job-force is more than just a personal trouble. It is a public issue, a societal issue, that has influenced my sociological imagination, as would it influence any and every woman who reads this. This is the very issue Charles Mills Wright explores in his studies of sociological imagination. At this point and time, it is our duty to society to be adaptable as we patiently wait for the rights and equality that come with understanding how our sociological imaginations can positively contribute to the community as a whole.

In today’s commanding and highly demanding society, it is easy to find that all people reach “low points.” As societal standards remain higher-than-ever, it is easy to see how people can feel incapable, discouraged, and not “good enough” to achieve the success they so-desperately long for. Some even feel unable to handle the task of life itself. These low points have a very vast range of possibilities: all of which have a detrimental effect on one’s mental perception of them-self. The way a person handles such bumps-in-the-road says a lot about what mentality he or she holds.

It is human nature to long for perfection and constantly improve upon ones-self in order to achieve it. Mass media is of no help to this feeling of “lack”, because it constantly, and indirectly, presses the illusion of perfection: something that not one person will ever be able to fully embody. Perfection does not exist. However, the perception of perfection does. People often verbally-degrade themselves, because they feel that they can not live up to the same standards presented to them in the media, for example. Several peoples’ self esteems plummet as a result of not feeling “capable” to do or be something that they wish. What people generally fail to realize, is that no one is “perfect.” Every person is facing their own internal battle; a battle others may or may not know anything about. People are their own worst critics. Quite frankly, no one is judging another person as harshly as that person is judging them-self.

As a matter of fact, the majority of people would not openly admit that they are struggling with something. Most people put on a face that everything is “perfect” and that their life is ideal, in tact, and flawless of any and every bump-in-the-road. Whether announced or not, every person one crosses paths with is internally fighting their own battle. You will find that some are more open to announcing their struggles: that is, if they themselves have acknowledged and accepted that there is a problem, and if they have a plan for actively solving it. Others solely internalize the problem. Nobody wants to put on a face that they are doing or accomplishing anything less than what they think they are capable of. Both are reactions to a person’s self-perceived “low points” in life.

First and foremost, the term “unable” is often inappropriately used in place of the word “ill-equipped.” These words are not interchangeable, because “unable” infers that one will never acquire the skills necessary to accomplish the goal they desire, where as the term “ill-equipped” does the opposite. With verbal use and the internalized belief in the detrimental word “unable,” a person will never fully win their own mental-battle. This term, through use by any person and in every connotation, reflects a pure lack of self-confidence; it is detrimental to a person actually achieving success. This word places people even further away from their goal of so-called “perfection” than they already are.

With this stated, there is a distinct difference between people who are ill-equipped and people who are unable to accomplish that which their heart sets out to. More often than not, you will find that people vocalize phrases such as the following; “it is impossible,” “there is no hope,” “I can’t” and “i am unable” to do something. This is an approach to situations where one holds a lack mentality, rather than a mentality of abundance. If an individual keeps telling them-self that they are “unable” to accomplish something, they will prove them-self right- and vise versa.

It is important to understand that if a person wants to rise-above the negative situation they are facing, they need to keep a mentality of abundance (hope of resolution and a positive attitude) within them-self. To foster a mindset of abundance, an individual would need to approach negative situations with positive self-affirmations such as; “right now I am ill-equipped with the skills I need to reach my goal, but I am going to learn the skills necessary to get myself out of this situation,” “I am capable,” and “I will reach my goal.” This mentality approaches the same negative situation with hope and a positive attitude (belief that one is currently “ill-equipped”) rather than the belief in ones own failure, opposition and inability (belief that one is “unable”).

It is far more beneficial for an individual to replace the term “unable,” with the term “ill-equipped.” “Ill-equipped” does not infer that a person will never be able to achieve something, where as the term “unable” does. The term “ill-equipped” holds a positive outlook in that there is still hope for future success. It exemplifies that a person is capable of accomplishing their goal if, and only if, they develop the skills necessary to do so. Whether a person actually ends up reaching their goal, or not, is fully in their own control and it says a lot about that individuals mentality and self-beliefs. Every person is capable of achieving success. Many are simply ill-equipped with the tools they need to do so. Just because a person is ill-equipped, does not mean that they are unable. The mind will achieve what a person subconsciously believes. Likewise, your success will come when you make the change from a lack mentality and instead, into a mentality of abundance.

Nowadays, it seems as if everyone is “living through their phones.” Essentially, we view everything through the perspective we see from camera lenses and through social media platforms, amongst a few other outlets. We can no longer push people into pools without the fear of damaging someone’s oh-so-beloved cell phone; devices that are nearly always glued to peoples hands. I believe that, when used in moderation, cell phones are a blessing and that such technological advancements can help all members of society live improved lives. When used in excess, cellular devices destroy relationships, create ineffective communicators, and lead people into failure to embrace the “now” of spectacular moments.

It always amazes me how my grandmother, Shari Chamitoff, has made so many friends. I’d reckon to say that she has friends in the majority of cities, including many places abroad from the United States. When she does use her phone, it is solely to get in touch with family and friends, or to make future plans with them. I believe that, because she is not constantly super-glued to her phone, she develops closer relationships with people and in turn builds strong bonds with friends.

It’s interesting how the majority of our millennial generation struggles to foster close relationships with others. I think it is a fair statement to say that the majority of millennials have more “acquaintances” than actual “friends.” Even depression rates have skyrocketed in comparison to the rates of past generations; this is likely, because we all compare ourselves to social media figures, rather than actually doing something to improve and feel better about ourselves. What is to blame? Our phones! Giving a greater degree of attention to technology, rather than actual people, serves as the heart of the problem. Perhaps if we spent more time with our phones on “sleep” mode, we wouldn’t struggle to have meaningful relationships with people, we wouldn’t destroy our chances at achieving close friendships, and we wouldn’t hold such high rates of depression.

Secondly, I feel that cell phones, used for social media in particular, has led a large portion of our society into becoming ineffective communicators. What I mean by this, is that some people have become inept in regards to holding a face-to-face interactions. For example, in todays society, it would not be viewed as abnormal for two teenagers to handle a conflict by insulting each other back-and-forth on social media, rather than trying to find a resolution together, in person. People no longer know how to confront one another without the security of a phone screen “protecting” them.

How is one expected to build strong relationships, let alone connections (which can aid their future successes) if they can not even sit down and effectively communicate with someone? They can not. Why, may you ask? Because the entire professional and social world is not based nor run off of our cell phones and social media. You won’t get a well-paying job by liking a business’ post on Instagram, nor can you grow your own business if you are unable to effectively handle a sit-down discussion regarding the logistics of your company.

If a person wants to connect with those who can mentor and help them, they need to do so in person, because no degree of social media use could ever earn them the respect that a face-to-face conversation could. The majority of our millennial generation has learned to excel at communication through cellular devices and other technological outlets. As a result, we are becoming inept in actual human interactions. If we do not put our phones down and learn what it means to communicate, without technology, we are not going to progress as individuals, let alone together as one societal unit. Instead, phones will continue to raise degenerates, who are incapable of doing anything besides “liking” each other on social media platforms.

In my recent family-trip to the San Diego Safari Park, I noticed that many individuals kept crowded around various animal enclosures. Within those large group of people, the elderly were scarcely on their phones, where as individuals from the millennial age-demographic (along with their parents) were all glued to them. When looking around, the elderly individuals seemed to be far more “present” in the breathtaking experience. This was important, because they were creating memories, not just formulating temporary posts about their experiences. It is awesome to have pictures of experiences such as this, but it is far cooler to be eighty years old and actually recall them. When we grow in age, we are not going to remember what we posted on social media; we are going to remember the event itself and the people who accompanied us. Most elderly people do take in the “now,” and as a result, they have amazing stories to tell.

Living a life through one’s phone is no way to live. If we do not take action by being mentally present in spectacular moments, we will leave no legacies or stories to pass on to future generations. Technology and phones can destroy relationships, create ineffective communicators, lead people into failing to embrace the “now” of spectacular moments, and they can lead to lost social and professional opportunities if they are not used in moderation. We need to put our phones down and take in the “now.” Not one Instagram picture, Twitter tweet, or Facebook posting will outlive priceless memories with the people we love.