Imagine leaving both your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for two whole hours. When you finally return to let them out of the car, which of them would be happier to see you? Simple…your dog. Your dog would great you with the upmost enthusiasm, as it wouldn’t be focused on how you just locked it in the car. The dog would simply be pleased to see you in that very moment and that is all the matters to that dog. On the other hand, your wife would likely be infuriated with you as she would still be dwelling on how you left her in the trunk of the car in the first place. I think that this example is of upmost importance when it comes to conversation about living in the present moment of our “now.” We should all aspire to be like the dog.

I recently read an interesting article on the “Psychology Today” website regarding several ways in which we can live in the “now.” I would like to use this opportunity to elaborate on those findings through my writing of this blog post. The first point that the article mentioned was that “we are not our thoughts.” We tend to dwell on events of the past and concern ourselves so-much-so with the unknown of the future, that we forget that the “now” is even happening. One way for us to be mindful is to take an objective stance on our current experience. We should view whats happening “now” as a sort of out-of-body experience, where we can look down and observe our own feelings, sensations and surroundings. We often get so lost in the fantasy-land of our own minds that we become completely oblivious to what is occurring around us. However, just because we day-dream of tanning on a beautiful Hawaiian beach, does not mean that we are actually doing so! Just because our minds our fixated on a certain event, sensation or situation (such as tanning on that beach in Hawaii) does not mean that we are there experiencing it! It is in the past.

A problem arrises when we become so fixated on the past or the future to a similar degree that a hungry infant would be fixed on his mothers breast milk. Sometimes events and interactions we had and are to have with people, in the past and in the future, concern us so much that we can’t help but focus all of our attention on our regret or uncertainty. More than anything, I’d argue, we are worried about how others may be perceiving us. However, the saying that “we are our own worst critics” holds true in that no-one is judging any person as heavily as that person is judging themselves. Likewise, no event/situation is as important or as drastic as it was when a person was actually experiencing it. We let our regrets and our uncertainty dictate our “performance” in the work place, school, family life, recreational activities we partake in…etc. We let them dictate the way in which we think, feel, and behave, rather than focusing on the task at hand. But how are we to stop thinking about those things, when they seem to be so unconsciously driven? The key is in losing track of time by being so invested in what we are doing, that we forget to acknowledge those negative feelings we associate with the past and with the future.

Sometimes it can feel like an impossible task to cease worrying about the things that we can’t control. Personally speaking, I’ve found that I am better-able to perform and embellish in the “now” when I take a mental note that not-everything is in my control! What happened, happened, and what hasn’t happened, hasn’t happened! I have come to terms with the fact that I can’t change the past nor can I change people, and that I will never fully encompass the knowledge of what will happen in the future nor the people I will interact with in the future. We cannot let our worry of the past nor future dictate the joy that we experience in any given moment.This knowledge that I will never know everything, has allowed me to better-dismiss social pressures, ignore judgement and approach situations that I perceive to be “insulting” in such a way that those problems gain resemblance to water running off of a ducks back. The duck is not concerned with the struggle to swim through the obstacles in the lake, and neither should we be… the duck is simply focused on the task itself: that is, the task of swimming right now. Getting deeply invested in a new task or challenge I set for myself, helps me lose the sense of my self-consciousness and it allows me to focus on the enjoying the “now.”

Through my self-reflection on the article, I came to question how I ought to emotionally come to terms with those things that I regret in my past. As most every task, it is easier said than done. What I found was that, instead of adopting a “pretend it never happened, and it never happened” attitude, I was better off charging full-speed toward those negative feelings, rather than dismissing them. It is our inherent nature to want to run away from thoughts and feelings we perceive as “negative,” be those in past, present or future. However, the solution is acceptance of those emotions, rather than retreat from them. By accepting those things that we can not change, we acknowledge that the negative emotion associated with that past event is there and we let it be there, but we don’t give it power through greater investment of our emotional energy. We should come to terms with the emotions we have in regards to past events or encounters, embrace that those emotions are present, but deeply invest our minds into a new task or challenge so as to not let those emotions dictate our happiness in the “now” of every moment.

Although distracting ourselves with a new task or challenge is an effective way of embracing our emotions and allowing ourselves the opportunity of enjoying the “now,” the opposite also holds true. Sometimes it is best to do nothing! By “nothing,” I mean that we should free ourselves by sitting and reflecting on our emotions for a set amount of time every day. This is a way for us to be mindful, in that we become aware of our current state/situation, rather than trying to improve ourselves or accomplish some task. Setting aside this time every day is valuable in that it doesn’t allow us to retreat from our emotions, but rather embrace them and take power over them, hence, not allowing those emotions to reign in power over our delight in our current situations. We mindfully do this self-reflection by asking ourselves questions such as, “What is going on right now in this current moment?,” “Why am I having these emotions?,” “How should I respond to these emotions I am having?” By taking this set-amount of time to ask ourselves these reflection-questions, we are more apt to move toward action, rather than impulse dictated by our feelings. In other words, it allows us to respond, rather than react.

All in all, these ways of learning how to embrace and respond to the past and the uncertainty that comes with the future, allow us to take in “now,” rather than giving our emotions the power of dictating our happiness in every moment.