As children, we are incredibly eager to enter “big kid” high school. When we finally arrive, we let our time in high school fly past and we fail to appreciate how easy life was when our parents did everything for us… at least I did. We glamorize the things that await us, without prior knowledge of what comes with it. My first year in college can be summarized in two words: chaotic growth. At times it was a whirlwind of disaster, disappointment, hard-work, and emotional turmoil. Other times, it encompassed countless new-experiences, fun day-trips, new associations, and wild weekends. Through all the chaos, be it good and bad, I learned a very valuable lesson regarding how I should react to negative circumstances that arrise.

During my first semester of college, I moved living-spaces six different times! My first on-campus dorm did not work out due to lifestyle and personality clashes between my ex-suite mates and I. My second dorm was a single room, which was roughly the size of a worker’s cubicle. The single-dorm was underground, had no natural lighting, and was a chlostrophobic, spider infected, pig-sty; needless to say, my obsessive compulsive tendencies led me to become the suites full time maid. There were multiple nights where I would sleep in my car, because I dreaded being in that environment. I was in a mental “low” state. In my misery, I decided to take a “leave,” where I would temporarily pause all of my school-related engagements; I moved home and shortly later found myself feeling stir-crazy. I had to find a solution, because my independence was, and is, very important to me.

I entered college with a confident aura and an eager spirit. From day one I was making friends… so I thought. My overwhelming energy bombarded a lot of people who I believe to be my “friends;” in reality, most were only my acquaintances. This was hard for me, because I came from an high-school environment where I was the athletic and social, yet nerdy, girl who held a small friend group. Looking back, I can’t even call the majority of people in that group my true friends. Throughout the course of my first semester in college, I felt lonely despite being constantly surrounded by so many people.

My feelings of loneliness even got to the point where I made the impulsive decision to buy a tea cup yorkie dog off of craigslist. I picked her up with my friend at eleven at night in a sketchy Mcdonald’s parking lot, despite being consciously aware that I was not allowed to have an animal live with me in the dorm. Not surprisingly, I was scammed by a “nice” man on craigslist. It was an impulsive mistake and I had to give the sick puppy to a rescue shelter less than 24 hours later. I saved a sick puppy’s life and I flushed five hundred dollars down the toilet by being impulsive.

The reality that not all people have good intentions hit me in the face with a brick, or shall I say, semi-truck. I was ready to accept this new-found knowledge, move on, and start fresh. However, my self-confidence plummeted even further when I gained the infamous “freshman fifteen.” For me, it was more like the freshman twenty. Yes, it is a real thing, and it is something that everyone entering college swears won’t happen to them.

In further regards, despite my life-long struggle to complete assignments in a timely manner, manage my sports, social-life, and extra-curricular activities, I was still a valedictorian of my high-school. It took a lot of time, sacrifice, and countless all-nighters. However, my academic studying-habits (long hours of studying and many all-nighters) still remained constant despite my over-stimulating environment and an unnecessary number of intoxicated nights. None of it contribute positively to my first-semester academic success. Freedom was new to me (as it is for everyone entering college) and consequently, I did not know how to handle my work/social-life balance effectively.

My grades were less than superb upon ending my first semester in college and I even had to drop two of my five courses in order to prevent the failing I was subjecting myself to. My peers had always seemed to have an easier time with managing their work-loads and social lives, so it really stuck out to me when I was unable to keep up to the same pace; this also weighed heavily on my self-confidence. I decided to seek counsel half-way through my second semester and shortly later I was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Together, we worked towards finding a medicinal solution, which helped make the remainder of my second-semester academic and social experience far more manageable and enjoyable. Seeking counsel has benefited my life tremendously. I didn’t even realize I had this headache until it was gone. Figuratively speaking, no one realizes they have a headache until it’s gone.

Following the completion of my first semester in college, I felt that all was hopeless. I didn’t see a point in putting myself through all the suffering I was enduring at the time. Removing myself from my circumstance seemed to be the easiest way for me to not have to deal with it. Unfortunately, ignoring problems does not make them go away. I was mentally, emotionally, socially, and physically struggling. I was blind and I saw no other option than to drop-out and move back home, where I would not have to deal with the responsibilities and struggle that came with my new-found adulthood.

In reaction to being in such a desperate situation and deeply craving the return of my independence, I revoked my leave of absence and hastily moved into my first apartment with a friend, my second roommate, who I was only semi-familiar with. After a few months of living in that apartment, our down-stairs neighbors attempted to kick down our front door in the middle of the night. This was a violent reaction to their perception of our “excessive-noise.” As a result, we were put in a position to move apartments, because the complex didn’t deem it “safe” for the downstairs neighbors to know where we lived. Shortly after, my roommate and I moved to our second apartment. We were only able to handle our incompatibility for another two months before I moved out… again. My living environment has always given me a sense of stability: something I couldn’t seem to find until recently.

Now I have my own place, my own self-proclaimed “sanctuary,” where I have complete and total control of cleanliness, noise, and my space in general. I feel so blessed to finally have the opportunity to live in a peaceful environment that I can call “home.” This is the very thing I needed all along. My own apartment, where I had complete control, is the Advil I needed to cure the headache I did not know I had. In reflecting back on this crazy year, without having the miserable experiences I did, I would not be as grateful for the outcome I now have. I would not have learned the very important lesson that I am not defined by the circumstances I face, but rather, I am defined by how I react to those circumstances.

This is, arguably, the most valuable lesson I learned upon my entering into the adult world. I would encourage all people, of all ages, to reflect on every situation he or she faces. I let my circumstances get the best of me this past academic year; I allowed them to dictate my actions accordingly. I hastily escaped with every sign of turmoil, rather than being solutions-oriented and facing the problem head-on. By doing so, I was not able to find happiness; instead, I found misery.

I dwelled in the negative of the various situations, and understandably so, yet I should have been focusing on the positive. There truly is good to be found in every “bad” situation. However, this isn’t to say that we should allow negative circumstances to continue dwelling in our lives. What we should do is search for lessons found within the negative circumstances that we can apply to our futures. Simultaneous to seeking out the lessons we can learn, we should keep a fixed eye on the positive outcome that can result from adversity, and we should actively work to make (non-hasty) plans to remove ourselves from the negative situation and into environments where we can thrive.

I am a true believer in that I can only make a mistake if I do not take a lesson away from it. In other words, there are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned. The chaotic situations I faced this year did in fact make me grow as a person, because I took away this valuable lesson from them. I was not comfortable when being in the heat of these battles, but I took control of my mindset, circumstance, and life. Not one person will grow in a comfort zone, so it is important to view adversity as a blessing rather than a curse. Our circumstances do not define us, but our reactions to those circumstances do. We must take the upper-hand, because there is a light called “personal growth” to be found at the end of every tunnel. The adversity we face now will not define us, unless we give it the power to do so.